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Making babies for money
Dave
Lazzarino
The Silhouette November 27, 2003
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STEPHANIE WITTEN / SILHOUETTE
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November. The leaves have fallen, the temperature has
dropped, and many students' bank accounts--like migrant
birds--have headed South.
If this description rings a bell, you should know you
are not alone. There are many other students who are
beginning to realize the limits of their summer
earnings. For some, even the last traces of their
student loans and bursaries are disappearing. The
problem is, it is only November. We can bear down, cut
our expenses, and take a more frugal approach to the
rest of the year--or we can find alternate sources of
cash to help fill our glasses until closing time.
Although reducing expenses may require slightly less
effort and a little more common sense, the alternative
is simply more fun. While pondering this predicament a
few weeks ago I found myself staring at a potential
solution in the pages of The Silhouette.
In big, bold print, the advertisement read "Sperm donors
wanted. $75 per sample." Immediately, my mind was
flooded with mathematical calculations. How much could I
make for a month's worth of donations? How about a
year's worth? I had to investigate further into this.
The nearest clinic--CanAm Cryo Services--is located on
Main St. West, just west of the entrance to Highway 403.
I set up a meeting with the vice-president of the
company, Haimant Bissessar, to ask a few questions about
the process of becoming a sperm donor.
The lab looks
like any other medical facility--very cold, very clean,
and very sterile. I could not help but notice the
tadpole shaped plush toys on the desk and thinking to
myself, "So that's where beanie-babies come from." Up to
this point, I was optimistic about the prospect of
masturbating for money. The work was not difficult, and
the payoff was more than I could hope for. It was hard
to understand exactly why--out of approximately 300
enquires per year and about 120 serious applicants--the
lab has not accepted any donors in three years.
As Bissessar mentioned some of the more discouraging
aspects of becoming a sperm donor to offset rising
tuition costs, it began to make a little more sense.
First of all, if you are a female student looking to pay
your rent, this is obviously not an option--CanAm does
not deal with egg donations.
However, sperm donation is not as simple as it may seem.
Proper equipment is not the only requirement to play on
this team; there are also tryouts. The screening process
to become a sperm donor is quite involved. Donors must
be in at least their second year of post-secondary
studies. Anyone who has had a piercing or tattoo in the
past year is automatically disqualified, to avoid the
potential risk of spreading diseases.
Also, a survey covering everything from family
background to hand size to viewing habits of sporting
events must be completed. You are then asked to provide
a sample of your sperm to be frozen and sent to the
United States. Because all of the samples donated in
Hamilton are sent south of the border, it must first be
determined whether your sperm can survive the freezing
and thawing process. Those who pass this test must
undergo a series of blood tests as a precaution against
passing diseases on to potential recipients. As well,
CanAm reviews donors' personal profile to spot any
genetic traits that might be unfavorable. Unless they
have an alarmingly high disposition to genetically
linked diseases, though, the process does not disqualify
otherwise worthy applicants.
Only after
all of this preliminary testing can a donor begin his
work. Contrary to popular belief, donating sperm is
work. CanAm requires that donors come to the lab to
donate every few days for a period of six months as well
as having standard blood work done both throughout the
process and three and six months after the last
donation. When the six months are over, the donor can
decide whether or not he wishes to continue.
Should the prospect of paying your rent through frequent
donations still appeal to you, then you should act
quickly. The federal government is currently in the
process of legislating a bill that will change the
process of donating dramatically. The bill addresses
concerns with the disclosure of information about donors
and their sperm donations. If passed, Bill 313 will
outlaw the monetary compensation of sperm donors in
Canada. In financial terms, donors will then find
themselves with no monetary compensation for their hard
work.
Despite the ethical debates that arise from it, sperm
donation--like eugenics--is becoming increasingly common
in our society. Potential recipients can select their
donor based on the information provided in the
pre-donation questionnaire. Factors ranging from height
and weight to nationality and grade point average are
available to these genetic window shoppers, minimizing
the elements of surprise and variability in their
offspring.
With issues like overpopulation at the forefront of
global concerns, adoption becomes a suggested
alternative to artificial insemination. With regards to
questions of overpopulation and ethics, Bissessar says
that donors with any doubts about the process are
discouraged from donating. "If there is doubt now, what
says that there won't be considerable doubt years down
the road when choices are irreversible?"
On a more
personal level, Bissessar says that--should his age
permit him to do so--he would donate sperm. "I've worked
in fertility clinics for a number of years," he said,
"and I've been able to see first-hand the frustration
that people go through with infertility. If I could help
those people by becoming one, then yes I would."
Bissessar highlights the importance of donating sperm as
an act of goodwill, rather than a quick way to make
money. Students whose primary focus is to pay their
tuition fees, then, may be better off seeking out other,
less complicated ways of raising funds.
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