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Latest Surrogacy News
Parents through surrogate mom ever
thankful
By Marge Harmelink, Journal
correspondent
Sioux City Journal November 30, 2003
Jeff Dykstra, formerly of Rock Valley, holds
daughter Ashlyn and his wife, Danette, holds
daughter Rylee at the family's Columbus, Neb., home.
After years of heartbreak, the couple became parents
of the fraternal twins earlier this year in an
unusual way - with some help from a surrogate
mother. (Photo by Marge Harmelink)
COLUMBUS,
Neb. -- Former Rock Valley, Iowa, resident Jeff Dykstra
and his wife Danette have two special reasons to be
thankful this year. They have become parents of
fraternal twins in a most unusual way -- with the help
of a surrogate mother.
The baby girls, Ashlyn Rane and Rylee Odessa, are now 10
months old.
Jeff, 38, grew up in rural Rock Valley and graduated
from Rock Valley Community High School in 1983. He has
been a livestock buyer for Tyson Foods for 16 years. The
family lives in rural Columbus.
"It's hard
to believe that this has all happened. It is so
wonderful it seems like a dream come true," Jeff said
during an interview at the Dykstra family's home. "It
seems like things happen to me in twos -- I needed two
surgeries to correct a heart condition, two surgeries
when I had an appendectomy, and now two babies.
"Everything has changed. We had lots of freedom to do
what we wanted before the girls were born, but it always
felt like something was missing. That empty spot got
filled -- due to surrogate mother, Shelli Dreifurst of
Columbus."
"I knew before we were even married that I would have a
difficult time getting pregnant -- the doctors told me
that," Danette, 37, said.
She grew up in Flandreau, S.D., and is a cosmetologist
at Northtown Stylist in Columbus. The Dykstras have been
married for 15 years.
"The first few years of our marriage we did not seek
help from a doctor," Danette said. "We were newly
married, but we never took preventions to avoid a
pregnancy. We thought it would be great if we would have
a baby and if we didn't we would seek medical advice
later."
After two years of marriage, the Dykstras sought the
help of a doctor.
"We thought it might take a year or it might take 10
years; we just didn't know," Danette said.
It took another 13 years including two tubal
pregnancies, 11 invitro fertilizations and, finally, a
surrogate mother.
Both babies are biologically Dykstras -- the eggs were
harvested from Danette, fertilized with Jeff's sperm,
then implanted, in both Danette and in Dreifurst.
"After my two tubal pregnancies," Danette said, "the
doctor removed my fallopian tubes. So then the only way
I could get pregnant was through invitro fertilization."
Danette Dykstra and Dreifurst, 34 years old at the time,
met at a hair salon in Columbus.
"Shelli was referred to me as a new cliet. We had the
usual conversation -- getting to know each other,"
Danette said. "I asked if she had children, and she told
me she had two boys. Then she asked if I had children,
and I briefly told her I didn't and why I didn't."
Dreifurst then told Danette that she had seriously
considered being a surrogate mother for someone.
"When she told me she had thought about being a
surrogate mother, I just assumed it would be for a
member of her family or for someone she had always
known," Danette said.
"My heart went out to Danette that day in the hair
salon," Dreifurst says during a telephone interview.
"When I heard how much they had wanted a baby and all
they had gone through, I wanted to help."
"When Shelli told me she had been thinking about being a
surrogate mother, I thought how lucky that person would
be," Danette said. "I remember thinking how much I would
like to meet someone like Shelli to be a surrogate
mother for me.
"Then we got on the subject of hair again, and we didn't
talk about babies again until she got up to leave the
salon. She grabbed my hand and said, 'I want to do this
-- for you."'
Danette couldn't believe what she was hearing. She told
Dreifurst to go home and talk to her husband because it
was much more complicated than it sounded, including
shots to be taken, tests to be done, lawyers to be seen
and paperwork to be done.
"After Shelli left the hair salon, I called Jeff and
said God had sent an angel through the salon door
today," Danette recalls. "He was reluctant at first.
Others had said they would be a surrogate mother for us,
but it had never worked out. I told him that this time
it was genuine -- that I could feel it."
However, Jeff was scheduled for heart surgery the
following month (December 2001), so that became the
focus of their lives first.
"I did tell him before he went in for surgery that he
had to make it through this because he was going to be a
daddy," Danette says. "I earlier had told Shelli that I
would keep in touch, but we couldn't do anything until
Jeff healed."
Dreifurst had gone home and discussed the idea with her
husband, sons, parents and siblings. Everyone was
supportive.
"My husband, Neil, and I had trouble getting pregnant
with our second son, so we could feel something of what
the Dykstras were going through," Dreifurst said. "My
husband knew this is what I wanted to do, a gift I
wanted to give our new friends. He worried about me
sometimes, but he knew I handled pregnancy well."
During Jeff's recuperation from surgery, his wife and
Dreifurst went to Omaha to see the doctor who had
implanted Danette 10 times previously.
"The doctor laid it all out for Shelli," Danette said.
"The doctor told her everything she would go through
medically. The doctor and I wanted to give her the
chance to change her mind. She didn't. She told me later
she did not once question herself -- that she was doing
the right thing. It felt right for her. She is a very
strong person."
The time came for the trip to Omaha to have the
surrogate mother implanted with the fertilized egg --
about five months after the two women had first met.
"At that time I did not want to be implanted again,"
Danette said, "but the doctor wanted to implant us both.
At first I questioned the wisdom of it -- it hadn't
worked the first 10 times. But then I thought, 'What if
it doesn't work in Shelli. Maybe, just maybe, it will
work in me. You just never know.' I always had the faith
of a grain of mustard seed."
About 10 days later while visiting relatives in South
Dakota, with Jeff's two sisters and parents present,
Danette called Dreifurst to find out if the implant was
successful.
Dreifurst told her, "You're going to be a mommy." The
surrogate mother was not only pregnant, but carrying
twins.
A few hours later Danette received a call from her
doctor's office. She also was pregnant. Now there was a
possibility of three babies. A family celebration
followed.
"We were so happy -- and I could immediately share the
joy with almost all of Jeff's family," Danette said.
"But at the same time, I was concerned about Shelli
carrying two babies."
However, five days later they discovered that one of the
embryos in the surrogate mother had dissolved; the other
was fine and growing. Now Danette and Dreifurst were
each pregnant with one child.
"It was remarkable how well both pregnancies went,"
Danette said. "Shelli gave us this wonderful gift. If it
hadn't been for her, we wouldn't have tried invitro
fertilization again. Our hearts had been broken so many
times before. We had given up -- almost.
"Shelli and I went to all our doctor's appointments
together. Shelli's youngest son, still not in school,
would go along. He referred to the baby his mother was
carrying as 'Nette's baby."'
Last Jan. 29, Danette gave birth to Rylee by Caesarean
section. Dreifurst delivered Ashlyn on Feb. 6.
"It was such a wonderful feeling that I could do this
for Danette and Jeff," Dreifurst says. "When Ashlyn was
born, I was so relieved she was OK. I was so happy to
see her, but it wasn't the same feeling as when I had my
two sons.
"I didn't feel like she was my child -- and as you can
see, she looks just like Danette. When I saw the look on
their faces when Ashlyn was born, I knew it was all
worth it. I don't regret a single day. I'm amazed that
two people who didn't even know each other two years ago
can be such good friends. I feel it was meant to be."
"I can honestly say that since that day I met Shelli in
the hair salon," Danette said, "there hasn't been as
much as a bump in the road. It all went so smoothly.
Shelli and her husband will always be a part of our
family. We have asked them to be Ashlyn's godparents.
They will be Aunt Shelli and Uncle Neil to our kids."
Life has changed for the Dykstras; the empty feeling has
been filled -- twice.
"Life is busy," Danette said, "but so blissful. Every
morning and every night I thank God that He has answered
my prayers and blessed us so much."
"It is like God was looking over us. It all worked out
for good in the end," Jeff said. "After all we have gone
through these last years -- now we can forget those
pains and heartaches. God has taken care of us. For that
we are so thankful."
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