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Looking for a
Surrogate Mother or an egg donor?
This book
is a moving real-life account of one woman's struggle
with infertility and her journey through surrogacy to
have the family she desperately wanted.
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for more details
Latest Surrogacy News
Surrogate mother gets joy out of
helping others have children
September 16, 2004 By Nick
Claussen
It
may seem like an odd statement to make, and it may not
go far enough, but she helps bring to life children for
parents who cannot have children.
She is a surrogate mother, and she does receive some
financial compensation for her work. More than that, she
receives the joy from knowing how she has helped couples
become families.
Along with the good, though, she sacrifices a lot, has
to tolerate people calling her and telling her she'll
"burn in hell" for what she's doing, and frequently
deals with physical and emotional drains.
Being a surrogate mother is something many women would
think twice before doing, and many would never consider
doing for a variety of reasons.
Deputy says she likes being able to do the work of a
surrogate mother, however. In her third surrogate
pregnancy, she is currently pregnant with twins for a
couple who lives overseas. Her story resembles something
you'd see on Lifetime television but this time it's
happening right here in Athens County.
DAWN AND HER HUSBAND John have three children, Jeffery,
11, Brandon, 9 and Cody, 6. They own Deputy Pizza in
Albany, have a nice house out in the country, and are
working on building a garage. They appear to be a busy,
normal family, and they seem friendly and pleasant to be
around.
They even have a small toy poodle that chases pigs,
though that may not be so normal.
A few years ago, a couple in their extended family was
telling Deputy and her husband about their infertility
problems. After thinking about the couple and what they
were going through, and knowing how much they loved
being parents to their own three boys, the Deputys told
the related couple that they would like to help them.
"I said, 'If you want me to carry it, I'll do it for
you,'" Dawn said. After thinking about it for a while,
the couple decided not to take her up on the offer.
"At that time, though, the idea was already planted in
my head," she said. Dawn Deputy decided to look into
surrogate motherhood, looking up information on the
Internet and in books and magazines.
"I researched it for a year," she said.
After feeling she had researched it fully, Deputy
decided to apply to be a surrogate mother, as long as
her husband did not mind. John agreed to it, but he was
only comfortable if Dawn was a gestational surrogate,
and not a traditional surrogate.
Traditional surrogates are women who have sperm from the
father implanted into their own eggs, in order to create
the baby.
Gestational surrogates have embryos implanted, Dawn
said. She explained that the doctors are able to get
sperm from the fathers, have the mothers mass produce
eggs that can be removed, and then put them together to
create the embryos, which later grow to be babies.
Doctors usually implant more than one embryo in a
surrogate mother, because it is likely that all of the
embryos will not grow and survive, Dawn said. She added
that she only lets the doctors put up to three embryos
in her, because she does not want to take the chance of
carrying four babies.
Dawn Deputy also decided that she wanted to be a
surrogate to parents who would stay in contact with her
after the birth and would update her on how the children
are doing.
After deciding that they wanted to go through with Dawn
becoming a surrogate mother, the Deputys found an agency
in California that she wanted to work with. Surrogate
mothers can work independently, setting up their own
arrangements with couples, or they can work through
agencies as Dawn has done.
In July of 2000, the Deputys flew to California, where
they met with professionals at the agency. They each met
with a psychologist, and Dawn received a thorough
examination. They met the couple whom they had been
matched up with, and Dawn and John decided that this was
something they definitely wanted to do.
"On July 4 of 2001, I gave birth to their daughter,"
Dawn said. The date was ironic, she added, since one of
the children's parents is Scottish and the other is
Canadian, and the surrogate mother is American.
"My surrogate mommy," is what 3-year-old Lindsay now
calls Dawn. Dawn was able to get pregnant the first time
with Lindsay, and the pregnancy went well.
Dawn became good friends with Lindsay's parents, who
live in California, while she was pregnant. The couple
called regularly to see how Dawn was doing and to see
how the baby was faring. At the same time, though, they
also talked about Dawn's family, life in Ohio,
everyone's jobs -- just the things that friends talk
about.
At the end of her pregnancy, Dawn recalled worrying that
the couple who had been so much a part of her life would
back off, and she would lose these friends whom she had
connected with.
She didn't need to worry, though, as both families have
remained friends, and Dawn receives regular cards,
pictures and updates of Lindsay and her little brother,
James, whom Dawn also served as the surrogate mother
for.
James was born on Sept. 28, 2002.
DAWN DEPUTY THOUGHT SHE was done being a surrogate
mother after James was born, but she really liked the
idea of helping families. So she signed on for another
baby. This time the process was tougher, and it took
three tries for her to become pregnant.
Dawn has always had good luck with pregnancies in the
past. She never had morning sickness, all of her
deliveries were short and went smoothly, and she enjoyed
being pregnant.
This time, though, she is pregnant with twins (who are
due in April), and she has had morning sickness. Her
doctor does not want her to work during the first
trimester, and she has to be careful with a lot of
things.
She's worried about how large she will get carrying
twins, but she is excited about helping the family.
Dawn has bonded with this couple, just as she did with
the first couple. This time the parents live overseas,
but they plan to visit Dawn soon.
With her previous surrogate pregnancies, Dawn saw the
parents face-to-face several times, as they visited
often and she has been in California several times over
the last four years.
While the process begins in California, though, after
she is pregnant, Dawn receives all of her medical care
in Athens and delivers the babies at O'Bleness Memorial
Hospital in Athens.
ONE QUESTION MANY PEOPLE have about surrogate mothers
is, "How can they give up the babies they carry for nine
months?"
Dawn said that question has several answers, as many
factors work together. First of all, she knows it's not
her baby, and she does not bond with it as if it were
her child. She cares for the baby and does everything
she can for it, but she makes sure to remember that she
is just carrying another couple's baby for them.
She compared it to how a babysitter may watch a baby or
toddler eight hours every day. That caregiver loves and
cares for the child, but is able to watch the child go
home to its parents, Dawn said. Her children all know
that the baby belongs to another parent, and they do not
get excited as if they are getting a new brother or
sister.
Dawn said she plans to always maintain contact with the
surrogate children, and she thinks of them as members of
the family like nieces or nephews.
Many people don't understand it, and doing this would
not be for many people, Dawn said, but she knows this is
something she can do to help people. She has had some
people get upset with her, with one person even calling
her at work and declaring that she would "burn in hell"
for it, Dawn recalled.
Many people may also question why she would put herself
through all of the pain and trouble of pregnancy, when
the babies are not even hers.
Dawn said that she likes being pregnant, and she has
been fortunate to have quick and easy births. She
usually works all through her pregnancies, she added.
Being a surrogate mother can be hard on her body with
the medical procedures and medications she has to take,
and it also can be tough on her emotions and on her
family, Dawn said.
The family is the toughest part since Dawn is an active
parent. Two of her sons play football (the youngest also
wants to play when he is old enough), and Dawn likes
going to every practice and game. Because of the care
she's under for the twins, though, she can't go to
practices and has to sit with her feet up at the games.
She knows that she will miss other activities because of
the pregnancy, and she feels bad about it.
Also, due to the care she's under, John has to work
Dawn's shift at the pizza business, work his own shift
and then do the laundry and much of the housework. The
couple currently can't go out and do the normal things
that married couples do, because Dawn has to stay home
and take it easy, at least for part of the pregnancy.
This pregnancy has been the hardest so far, but one
thing keeps Dawn pushing forward every day. It is the
same reason she took on this pregnancy and the one
before it -- it's the look on the parents' faces when
the babies are born.
"That makes it worth everything," Dawn said. When James
and Lindsay were born, the parents were in the room and
Dawn got to see how they reacted when they saw their
child for the first time.
John was also in the delivery room with her, but it was
obviously different than when John and Dawn delivered
their own children. Immediately after one of the
surrogate births, in fact, John gave Dawn a quick kiss
and rushed off to take one of their boys, who was in his
football uniform in the hospital waiting room, to his
game.
SURROGATE MOTHERS GET PAID, although it's not as much as
you might think for the amount of work they put in,
since they are basically working every hour they are
pregnant to take care of the babies.
Dawn said that the rates vary, but she understands that
many first-time surrogates receive between $15,000 and
$20,000 for their part in the pregnancies. Surrogate
mothers generally receive an extra $5,000 for each
additional birth, though it can sometimes be more, Dawn
said. She stressed that surrogates may receive much more
or much less than the general amounts she described.
The parents of the children, she added, can pay $80,000
or more to go through the process.
The money is nice, but it's not the main reason Dawn
serves as a surrogate mom. With the money she has
received so far, the family has started the business,
Deputy Pizza, got their house and paid for the project
to build the garage, Dawn said.
This surrogate pregnancy, she believes will be her last.
It's too draining on her, and she feels bad that she and
her family are sacrificing as much as they are for the
pregnancy.
Dawn has made friends with five other surrogate mothers
in the area in places such as Columbus, Wheeling, W.Va.,
and Barnesville, Ohio, and the group tries to get
together at least once a month. Dawn has also made
friends online with other surrogate mothers around the
country, and she takes part in support groups. The other
surrogate moms are really the only people who can
understand what she is going through, and talking to
them helps a lot, Dawn said.
She said she's lucky to have a husband like John who is
so understanding, and she feels bad that she is
currently so limited in what she can bring to her
marriage because of her pregnancy.
All in all, though, she said she's proud to be going
through the process, and she has become close friends
with the current set of parents.
Dawn's three children and her husband will always be her
main priority, but she always will have her surrogate
children out in the world as well. She will try to stay
close with the surrogate children and their parents, and
she will be proud, happy and humbled that she helped
bring the children to life and created these families.
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